You should be ASHAMED!
Dear Mom-in-Fred-Meyers today.
This is an open letter to you, and all moms (and dads) who think it's okay to teach your kids hate and judgment at a young age. Those who teach bullying, and discrimination because of looks. This is to you and your hateful, spiteful selves. You should be ASHAMED! You're the cause of most of the pain in the world.
When I took my boys into the ladies bathroom to go potty before they went to Playland, and my 5-year-old complimented your daughter's teddy bear and she sneered at him. Not even a thank you. But that wasn't the worst of it.
The worst of it came when my boys were trying to wash their hands and your 3-4 yr old son pushed my 5-year-old aside, and in perfect Toddler-esque English told my son, "You can't be a real boy if you wear that on your hands. Boys don't do that."
Excuse the FUCK outta me?
Did I seriously just hear gender shaming from a 4 yr old? You know damn well that didn't come of his own volition, that is learned behavior. That is something *You've* taught him.
I had to sit my child and his little brother down and explain that there was nothing wrong with his nails. That Mommy and Daddy love him, no matter what. And that some people just hold a lot of anger and they don't know where to put it to avoid hurting others.
My son can wear whatever in the hell he wants to wear (within reason), and be whoever he wants to be! He's done his makeup and worn my shoes before, and I didn't bat an eye, other than to ask him not to use my spendy makeup.
The only thing you should be teaching your kids when it comes to others is acceptance, compassion, and manners.
Fuck your gender stereotypes, fuck your judgemental attitude, and fuck you and your parenting. I'm not perfect, but I refuse to raise hateful humans!
My apologies for the harsh verbiage, but the softer language just didn't cover the level of my fury.
This is an open letter to you, and all moms (and dads) who think it's okay to teach your kids hate and judgment at a young age. Those who teach bullying, and discrimination because of looks. This is to you and your hateful, spiteful selves. You should be ASHAMED! You're the cause of most of the pain in the world.
When I took my boys into the ladies bathroom to go potty before they went to Playland, and my 5-year-old complimented your daughter's teddy bear and she sneered at him. Not even a thank you. But that wasn't the worst of it.
The worst of it came when my boys were trying to wash their hands and your 3-4 yr old son pushed my 5-year-old aside, and in perfect Toddler-esque English told my son, "You can't be a real boy if you wear that on your hands. Boys don't do that."
Excuse the FUCK outta me?
Did I seriously just hear gender shaming from a 4 yr old? You know damn well that didn't come of his own volition, that is learned behavior. That is something *You've* taught him.
I had to sit my child and his little brother down and explain that there was nothing wrong with his nails. That Mommy and Daddy love him, no matter what. And that some people just hold a lot of anger and they don't know where to put it to avoid hurting others.
My son can wear whatever in the hell he wants to wear (within reason), and be whoever he wants to be! He's done his makeup and worn my shoes before, and I didn't bat an eye, other than to ask him not to use my spendy makeup.
The only thing you should be teaching your kids when it comes to others is acceptance, compassion, and manners.
Fuck your gender stereotypes, fuck your judgemental attitude, and fuck you and your parenting. I'm not perfect, but I refuse to raise hateful humans!
My apologies for the harsh verbiage, but the softer language just didn't cover the level of my fury.
Thank you!! I am teaching my kids that people can wear what they want when they want! Sometimes it is hard, but it helps when I hear other parents are doing the same.
ReplyDeleteI just think it's important to teach the next generation that hate shouldn't be the ruling factor in their lives.
DeleteI've been really fortunate so far. I am mother to a nearly 4 year old boy who LOVES pink. It's his favorite color and he will choose pink clothing over anything else if he has the choice. He even has pink Lularoe leggings and they are his favorite pants.
ReplyDeleteI have no problem with this and let him choose to wear whatever he wants. The sad part is how I always worry about getting judged by others. Not so much for me, but I worry for the mean things that people might say to him. So far, we have been really lucky not to come across anyone who felt like they needed to share their disapproval. However, it's disgusting to me that I have this worry and that my sweet little boy can't be allowed to just be however he wants to be without fear of criticism from others.
However, I figure that the more of us that encourage our children to be accepting both of others and themselves, the better. We can each do our own little part to make this world a more loving and accepting place.
It takes a village.... I'm glad to be part of the solution.
DeleteThank you for expressing this. I have seen so many people be rude to little boys or girls for what they choose to like. It is not right children should be taught proper etiquette and learn not to shame and hate people.
ReplyDeleteIt seems so hard to stay astride the newest wave of hate-mongering and pain. And for our children to learn these things so young is tragic. Where is the beauty and innocence of childhood when you're brainwashing kids to be this unkind?
DeleteMany years ago I was training to work with children. One of the most popular places to play was the 'House corner' complete with dressing-up clothes. it was highly educational for me to see 3 and 4 year olds playing out the stereotypes they obviously learned from those around them (Its amazing just how observant young children are, and how great they can be at mimicry) from the little boy who spent his time there with his feet up on the table reading, while directing 2 little girls on how to cook his dinner and iron 'his' clothes: to another who methodically went through all of the dolls and teddies, and redressed them in gender neutral clothing, because 'you can't play properly in a frilly dress'. But my absolute favourite was the 4 year old boy with a close-crop haircut who spent a good half hour putting together a beautifully co-ordinated outfit (dress, shoes, hat, beads, rings and bangles), and then came to ask me for help to put a couple of sparkly hairclips in for him, because he wanted to feel pretty. Children LOVE to explore: they love to try new things, and they have absolutely NO preconceived ideas of what or who anyone should be... that is all learned from the grownups who surround them. For me, if a boy wants to paint his nails, wear pink, play with dolls/kitchens/glitter, or a girl enjoys trainsets, wearing shorts, climbing trees, playing football (guess which kind of girl I always was!) then good for them: so long as they're having fun, and it makes them happy, why not? Sometimes, adults need to keep their fearful prejudices to themselves - or even better, learn from their child. The world would be the better for it
ReplyDeleteThis is much the same as what I've experienced in my youth. I was raised in a very conservative, small, farming community. Boys would have been teased for girly things (part of why we moved away) but girls were expected to pull up their hair, put on their jeans and work on the farm like everyone else.
DeleteTimes areal changing, and our mindset needs to change to accommodate a much wider array of personalities and ideas!
I find it oddly sad and sadly odd that pretty nail polish can be such a threat to humankind.
ReplyDeleteEspecially when worn by a four year old boy.
You are encouraging and enabling your child to explore and innovate and well done you!
The "problem" sits squarely on the shoulders of the parents who have successfully managed to pour all their hatred and bigotry into their children.
Thank you for your support. I'm getting a lot of flack from social media on this one about enabling my child to be overly sensitive, but I don't think that has a bit to so with it. The message was learned from somewhere, and there is no sign that the month was putting in any effort to redirect that message or correct the mindset that created such hate.
DeleteI totally get that some kids pick things up on TV, and from sttangerine, but my first reaction is to correct and explain why that behavior was wrong.
It was lovely speaking with you in the Pratchett group. Commenting here to generate activity for your blog. Also, I'm subscribed now. :) Blessings and blessings to you and yours. <3
ReplyDeleteFantastic, and thank you. I'm working on some ongoing craft posts, but there may be a gap because it takes time to write up a good pattern.
DeleteThe boy's all but forgotten about the incident. Or, if not forgotten then put away for later recall.